This is an overdue update. Rather than writing about my intense conversation with Cailyn last Friday, I was trying to process it and figure out what I needed to do… more on that later. Then, Monday arrives and brings with it some interesting symptoms.
My first thought was that the discomfort she was feeling was associated with her trying sitting volleyball for the first time on Sunday and using muscles she hadn’t used before, or recently. I gave her some ibuprofen and suggested that the feelings would pass. Other thoughts circled in my head, though, and I was concerned with how unsettled she was with the unique sensation. The muscle stiffness from exercising stopped a couple days ago but the pain and pressure she feels in her chest and at the top of her head when she takes a deep breath have remained. She’s also experienced her heart racing with exertion.
This morning, Cailyn still felt this discomfort. For the first time ever along this journey, at Cailyn’s request, we found ourselves in a very familiar place… Grand River Hospital… to get her assessed by a pediatrician. I’m waiting to hear back from the pediatrician, after she’s had a chance to talk to Cailyn’s oncologist. I’m not expecting anything definitive today… I think that will come on February 7th, when Cailyn gets her next MRI.
I was surprised last night when Cailyn said “Well, if this is a symptom, at least we know it now!” On one hand, I think she would be disturbed by the potential that this discomfort was a potential sign of growth. But on the other hand, if we learn on the 7th that her tumour has grown noticeably again, having realized a potential new symptom might facilitate her accepting treatment to avoid any further symptoms. The last two times she started a chemotherapy protocol, there were no obvious symptoms.
If there is further growth evident on the 7th, we will both be significantly challenged to choose the treatment option. Cailyn’s preference is the treatment that will take the least amount of time, and my preference is the treatment with the least perceived risk. I wish our preferences overlapped, but they don’t yet!!
Here’s to getting on the same page!