My mind is so cluttered with “what ifs”, that I haven’t successfully figured out what to write. Spinning around in my head are options, feelings, and the more mundane tasks involved with our day-to-day logistics.
It’s been almost 7 weeks since I learned that Cailyn’s tumour has grown and I had both hoped and expected that we would know by now whether or not Cailyn’s tumour has the right inhibitor to participate in a trial for a “targeted therapy”. I learned yesterday that the testing that has been done so far is inconclusive about one of the inhibitors and will take another two weeks for the other inhibitor. Ugggghhhhh… this waiting is painful, as everything about this growth occupies an immense proportion of my waking thoughts.
We’ve had some great moments, provided by wonderful distractions (Thanksgiving with our family, two fantastic concerts and a Raptors game at the Air Canada Centre, a night out with the volleyball “mommas”, a volleyball tournament, and a family sleep-over), but no moment has effectively obscured the fears and concerns that are natural by-products of my daughter’s health-care journey. These fears can pop up with zero provocation or effort, spinning uncontrollably into any moment, anywhere, regardless of how wonderful the moment.
Cailyn has her next MRI on Friday the 25th of November. I’m not the only one who will be anxiously awaiting the results. Unfortunately, if we don’t have the final report by the end of that day, I will have to wait until the next week to hear. I am so very hopeful that her tumour hasn’t grown anymore but I’m prepared to hear that we have to travel back to London to discuss options. What is that expression… “hope for the best, plan for the worst”… yep… that’s exactly what I’m doing…