Yesterday, Lauryn’s volleyball team had their “game-face” on… they won a gold medal at a 13U tournament, having not dropped a set. I commented to Lauryn on the way home that, although it was wonderful that they were going home with first place, I was most impressed with the team’s composure and grace. I’m so happy that she has this experience of playing with a great group of girls.
I now have to secure my game face for the next few days. Cailyn’s MRI is tomorrow and the “treatment decision” is looming. Yes, there is a bridge that I’m not supposed to cross until I get there, but I have moments of sincere fear that blow that particular resolution out of the water… fear that the tumour has grown significantly, and fear that she and I will remain on opposite ends of the treatment decision.
I can’t begin to imagine how Cailyn is feeling… what does a 15-year-old teenager, faced with life-threatening decisions, think about on the eve of another scan? How does she cope with this crappy situation? I wasn’t successful quieting my thoughts this week-end, even while watching the girls play volleyball. How does she engage with school and classmates and everyday “stuff”?
This journey is hard enough when you’re able to stay hopeful. Here’s to wisdom and clarity. Here’s to each precious moment in which we have the opportunity to create a meaningful or fun memory. Here’s to the positive energy sent to us by our amazing supporters. Here’s to counting our blessings from the other end of the stick.
Yes… I must get my game face on.